(At the time of a death of a loved one, you may be at a moment you cannot fully comprehend.  Willis Rivinus, Princeton Class of 1950, has kindly provided this one-page reflection sheet of thoughts and decisions that he made after the death of his wife, Anne.  He shares this with friends who have recently suffered a bereavement event in their family).

Willis M. Rivinus—Tips for Coping
This is not a condolence letter.  You will receive lots of those, and I certainly want to add my own sympathies. Rather, this is a “been there, done that” letter based upon my own experiences after losing my wife after a three year battle against lung cancer.

Losing a mate or close family member is awful, no disguising it.  You are probably going through hell: I did.  But, life does go on and the sun will rise tomorrow.  So here are a few tips I found helpful in my coping—

• Rest, sleep, try to relax.  The tension has been more draining than you might have thought.  I took long walks.  Get some exercise that will help your body recover.
  
  
• Lean on you kids, or family members.  The more you have the better.  They want to do whatever they can, both in memory of the deceased and for you, the wounded survivor.  My kids put together a photo album of their mother’s favorite activities, and they helped me manage our home.
  
  
• Get and send simple cards to acknowledge condolences.
  
  
• Adopt a memorial project.  Lots of family and friends want to “do something.” Gifts to American Cancer Society, etc. are obvious.  We suggested gifts toward the purchase of a memorial bell for our new church…and raised a bundle because the idea caught people’s fancies.
  
  
• Notify your lawyers, banker, tax accountant.  Each will have an administrative agenda for you to follow.
  
  
• Plan to have a professional inventory by a certified appraiser for inheritance and estate tax purposes, as appropriate.
  
  
• Get rid of clothing and “stuff” as quickly as is reasonable.  Don’t live with these faded physical memories.  Give family members “first dibs.”  Then send the balance to a thrift shop and take a tax deduction, based on values listed by the Salvation Army, or equivalent.  Get the kids and friends to do the packing and handling.  We filled eighteen plastic bags.
  
  
• Turn off the constant stream of direct mail by:
  • Sending back each mailing label with the comment DECEASED—PLEASE REMOVE NAME.
    
    
  • Notifying in writing the Direct Marketing Association, Mail Preference Service, P.O. Box 282, Carmel, NY 10512. to stop further use of the name.  The process takes time, but it works.  You may now do this online as well: https://www.dmachoice.org/mps/proto1.php
    
    
• Get involved in something that consumes your time, mind, energy.  Anything—work, volunteering, sports, hobbies, whatever you enjoy.  See people: do things.
  
  
• Take a trip.  Visit family and friends.  Sign up for a cruise.  Just get out of the house for 2-3 weeks.  Focus on something new.    I went to Spain.
  
  
• Think positively.  Life goes on.  There may be new opportunities out there waiting for you.  This is a difficult time, but you can survive it.  Good Luck!